restless....

There is this restlessness going on, can't quite pin it down, churning inside, roaming the kitchen for chocolate..... It probably has something to do with Mom, my dear Mother-in-law, lying in that hospital bed.  Should I be going to see her?  Is she having a good day? Is she thinking clearly today? When will she be in heaven? Why does it seem so harsh to say, "when will she die"?  

I think our society chooses to avoid the reality of death when we say 'go to heaven, passes away, moves on, leaves this earth'.  But maybe it is just a more gentle and kinder way of dealing with the reality of death.

In talking with people lately, I am realizing that no matter how prepared we are for someones' death, we are never prepared.  It is always an intrusion, an inconvenience.  It throws everything about ordinary life into a total upheaval.  One friend, whose Mom just died, also said that upheaval is a 'good' thing.  It makes us stop, think, evaluate and deal with life.  

It can do that or we can choose to ignore reality and push it all aside.  Our minds are frightful things when left to their own wanderings. 

I remember a friend praying that someone would 'grieve well' and I am coming to understand the need and the good in grieving and grieving well.

Death is reality, death is part of life.

I guess the restlessness is part of life too and how do I choose to deal with it?

I think it helps me to actually put into words some of these thoughts.....