My JD Salesman was asked to 'give a tribute to Jesus' at the Good Friday service. Here it is:
"I feel I need to give a bit of an introduction so you will understand where I am coming from. I was raised in a solid christian home with God fearing parents. If the church was open, we were there. I learned of God's love, protection and provision. I thought I understood God fairly well but my God was pretty defined, predictable and therefore in a pretty small box. I believed in heaven and hell and that salvation was through Christ's shed blood and His resurrection and my admission that I was a sinner and needed to accept Jesus as my Saviour and sin-forgiver. I knew that God was in total control and that He designed everything both good and bad.
For the past dozen or so years God has been showing me how He was and is much bigger than my original concept of Him. Just a couple of weeks ago we buried the daughter of very close friends, mother of a 2, 5 and 8 year old, loving wife to a young husband. I was wrestling with how a loving God could either design her death or even allow her death. On top of being very sad, I was troubled and somewhat confused, searching for answers, searching for truth.
In our small group study that week we were studying in Luke, just happened to be on the Lord's prayer. The phrase 'Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven..' was heavy. Did God really will that Danielle die or did He just allow it? The Lord showed me, through the comments of one of our group, that either way the outcome was the same. Danielle had died. Did God design it or allow it, it didn't really make any difference. Karin often says that God is God and God is good. I had been keeping God in a box, a much bigger box than before but still confined to what I could understand. I am thankful that Jesus, through the Holy Spirit it showing me that God, our God, is bigger than any boundaries I could imagine. He is limitless, huge and I am slowly realizing that God is God and God is good. I don't need to understand the whys of the tough situations of life. and there is so much true freedom for me in that.
Isaiah 55: 8&9 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' "
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
and life goes on.....
As the 'unlikely group of people' met a week ago there was good discussion which came out of Luke 11, the "Lord's Prayer". What does God allow, what does God plan or design for our lives. ( I was not all that pleased to realize how I hold on to my own 'ideas'!)
But near the end one quiet, gentle lady who has gone through sorrow, the like of which I know nothing about, spoke truth into the situation. I write what I 'heard'. It is not a direct quote!
She said that whatever we might believe about 'thy will be done', does God allow or design the situations we find in life does not change the outcome. People get sick, they die, they have accidents. But what we do with the outcome of these things in life is what will affect the remainder of OUR lives. She spoke of the 'size' of God and again I realized how small I see God to be. I said in my last post that God is God and God is good but I don't think I really know what that means, I don't comprehend God. My God is too small, again.....
The encouragement that comes to me is the reality of God's love, He does not condemn me for my lacking of understanding. He loves me and shows me once again His goodness. He knows I am frail but continues to gently teach me. Such a safe place, this God of love and grace.
And when I doubt and wonder and question I come back to the reality of what God has done inside of me. I am often blind to His involvement in the situations of life but I know the change He has made and continues to make inside me. Then I come back again to trust and faith in a God who is good.
For Danielle's family life must find a new normal. And we ask God for grace and strength for them to do life well as they grieve and live.
But near the end one quiet, gentle lady who has gone through sorrow, the like of which I know nothing about, spoke truth into the situation. I write what I 'heard'. It is not a direct quote!
She said that whatever we might believe about 'thy will be done', does God allow or design the situations we find in life does not change the outcome. People get sick, they die, they have accidents. But what we do with the outcome of these things in life is what will affect the remainder of OUR lives. She spoke of the 'size' of God and again I realized how small I see God to be. I said in my last post that God is God and God is good but I don't think I really know what that means, I don't comprehend God. My God is too small, again.....
The encouragement that comes to me is the reality of God's love, He does not condemn me for my lacking of understanding. He loves me and shows me once again His goodness. He knows I am frail but continues to gently teach me. Such a safe place, this God of love and grace.
And when I doubt and wonder and question I come back to the reality of what God has done inside of me. I am often blind to His involvement in the situations of life but I know the change He has made and continues to make inside me. Then I come back again to trust and faith in a God who is good.
For Danielle's family life must find a new normal. And we ask God for grace and strength for them to do life well as they grieve and live.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
a year later
In March of last year I blogged about Danielle and encouraged others to follow her blog. She had recently been diagnosed with cancer and wished to share with others the journey she was taking. It soon became clear to Danielle that she had to have a 'closed, a private' blog. She was being harassed by strangers who mocked faith and alternative medicine.
Danielle's story has been amazing and she has written honestly of her cancer story. There were so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows which she openly talked about. We have laughed with her and cried. We watched her parents grieve as Danielle struggled with the battle. Her Mom has spent most of the last year with Danielle and family, a province away from her own home, helping when and where she could.
In the last few weeks there was a down turn in her health and on Sunday night, on her 36th birthday, Danielle went home to heaven.
I know we all grieve in different ways. We are all affected in different ways. The JD Salesman and I are by-standers, friends who love them. Our grief is not the grief of the family but we grieve, we ache, we are weary with grief. It makes no sense. There is no explanation. It is not God's will that this lovely Momma should die. Maybe I push the limit with words when I say that because I can accept that God allowed Danielle to die but I cannot believe it was God's will. We heard a friend once say with regards to a different sorrow that God made a perfect world, in the end all will be made perfect but here and now, in between the two ends of perfection bad things happen, people die tragically, people get sick, crap happens to people.
I believe God is good. Danielle's husband said that he is so thankful that God is love. Good. Love.
I choose to trust this God. I certainly don' t understand Him. For that I am also thankful. He is God and I am not. There is a thought in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" that often comes to my mind. I am told that Aslan, the lion, is a figure of God. Someone asks if the lion is safe and the answer is no, he is not safe but he is good.
In my 'terms' I don't think God is safe but I trust Him because the longer I live, the more I get to know Him, the more I believe He is good and He IS Love.
I hold on to that when I think of Danielle's husband, his extended family, her three young children, her two brothers, their wives, her nieces and nephews, her kind and gentle Mother, her do-anything-for-you loving Father, her huge extended family and multitude of friends all over this world.......
Saturday, March 9, 10:30 a.m., we will gather in a church in Sherwood Park Alberta, to join her family to honour Danielle's short life and to meet God. If you are so inclined, if God puts it into your heart, could you please pray for this family?
Thank you.
Danielle's story has been amazing and she has written honestly of her cancer story. There were so many ups and downs, joys and sorrows which she openly talked about. We have laughed with her and cried. We watched her parents grieve as Danielle struggled with the battle. Her Mom has spent most of the last year with Danielle and family, a province away from her own home, helping when and where she could.
In the last few weeks there was a down turn in her health and on Sunday night, on her 36th birthday, Danielle went home to heaven.
I know we all grieve in different ways. We are all affected in different ways. The JD Salesman and I are by-standers, friends who love them. Our grief is not the grief of the family but we grieve, we ache, we are weary with grief. It makes no sense. There is no explanation. It is not God's will that this lovely Momma should die. Maybe I push the limit with words when I say that because I can accept that God allowed Danielle to die but I cannot believe it was God's will. We heard a friend once say with regards to a different sorrow that God made a perfect world, in the end all will be made perfect but here and now, in between the two ends of perfection bad things happen, people die tragically, people get sick, crap happens to people.
I believe God is good. Danielle's husband said that he is so thankful that God is love. Good. Love.
I choose to trust this God. I certainly don' t understand Him. For that I am also thankful. He is God and I am not. There is a thought in "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" that often comes to my mind. I am told that Aslan, the lion, is a figure of God. Someone asks if the lion is safe and the answer is no, he is not safe but he is good.
In my 'terms' I don't think God is safe but I trust Him because the longer I live, the more I get to know Him, the more I believe He is good and He IS Love.
I hold on to that when I think of Danielle's husband, his extended family, her three young children, her two brothers, their wives, her nieces and nephews, her kind and gentle Mother, her do-anything-for-you loving Father, her huge extended family and multitude of friends all over this world.......
Saturday, March 9, 10:30 a.m., we will gather in a church in Sherwood Park Alberta, to join her family to honour Danielle's short life and to meet God. If you are so inclined, if God puts it into your heart, could you please pray for this family?
Thank you.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
an 'unlikely' group of people
A gentleman asked us, the JD Salesman and I if we would lead a 'care group'. That was 11 years ago. We really had no idea what we were in for but having spent a year in such a group at Clark and Wanda's house we knew the value of such.
Things have changed, people have come and gone for various reasons but over the last 3 or 4 years the same group has come together every other week for a couple of hours. There are 2 widows, one who still is raising children on her own. A number of years ago now we grieved as one of our seniors became sick in December and died in March. Her husband still comes. Then there is the brilliant retired teacher married to the gentle violinist. They have been married for over 25 years after their first spouses died. A single retired counsellor who came back to Alberta to be near family joined us four years ago. An alcoholic who has been clean for close to 30 years and his wife round out the group. Ten. Ten vastly varied backgrounds, personalities, occupations, families, representing six different churches. Ten people with histories of pain, of being misunderstood, of misunderstanding.
We are actually an unlikely group who would probably have never 'chosen' each other as friends. But 'somehow' we have come together, we care about each other, we care for each other. We come together, read some verses from a book of the Bible and then we sit back, wait, listen, talk, think, share thoughts and after an hour or more we are awed by what God, through the Holy Spirit has shown us. Sometimes it is a simple thought, sometimes it causes a stir, a change in thinking. But we learn together, we grow together, we respect each other, we accept each other no matter how differently we might think.
Maybe this is what church is really all about. Maybe this is 'church'.
Things have changed, people have come and gone for various reasons but over the last 3 or 4 years the same group has come together every other week for a couple of hours. There are 2 widows, one who still is raising children on her own. A number of years ago now we grieved as one of our seniors became sick in December and died in March. Her husband still comes. Then there is the brilliant retired teacher married to the gentle violinist. They have been married for over 25 years after their first spouses died. A single retired counsellor who came back to Alberta to be near family joined us four years ago. An alcoholic who has been clean for close to 30 years and his wife round out the group. Ten. Ten vastly varied backgrounds, personalities, occupations, families, representing six different churches. Ten people with histories of pain, of being misunderstood, of misunderstanding.
We are actually an unlikely group who would probably have never 'chosen' each other as friends. But 'somehow' we have come together, we care about each other, we care for each other. We come together, read some verses from a book of the Bible and then we sit back, wait, listen, talk, think, share thoughts and after an hour or more we are awed by what God, through the Holy Spirit has shown us. Sometimes it is a simple thought, sometimes it causes a stir, a change in thinking. But we learn together, we grow together, we respect each other, we accept each other no matter how differently we might think.
Maybe this is what church is really all about. Maybe this is 'church'.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I look out the window....
I look out the window and see the snow piled where the flowers were blooming, where the grandkids were running barefoot on a treasure hunt. I look out the window and see ice on the sidewalk where the rain poured down the spout into a pail that would water the pots of pansies. I look out the window and see snow covering the last row of potatoes that I did not dig before we went away. I look out the window and I am thankful for:
-a bag of potatoes that are safe and dry in the garage, enough to last until Christmas
-natural gas that fuels the furnace
-electricity to light the dark evening
-enough $$$$ to pay the gas and electrical bills
-there has been no tornado, earthquake, flood or any other 'natural disaster'
-our house is more than we need, warm and cozy
-the JD Salesman will come home with heart-warming stories
-more than adequate food
-friends who call, Facebook, email and come to care group
-siblings and in-laws who love us
-three 'kids' with amazing spouses and kids of their own
-homes and food for these families
-reliable vehicles to drive on the icy roads
-good roads that are kept relatively clear for driving
Where does the list end? Does it have an end? I doubt it.... I don't enjoy cold or winter but today I choose to be thankful for the many, MANY 'gifts' that I have.
I choose to thank God.
-a bag of potatoes that are safe and dry in the garage, enough to last until Christmas
-natural gas that fuels the furnace
-electricity to light the dark evening
-enough $$$$ to pay the gas and electrical bills
-there has been no tornado, earthquake, flood or any other 'natural disaster'
-our house is more than we need, warm and cozy
-the JD Salesman will come home with heart-warming stories
-more than adequate food
-friends who call, Facebook, email and come to care group
-siblings and in-laws who love us
-three 'kids' with amazing spouses and kids of their own
-homes and food for these families
-reliable vehicles to drive on the icy roads
-good roads that are kept relatively clear for driving
Where does the list end? Does it have an end? I doubt it.... I don't enjoy cold or winter but today I choose to be thankful for the many, MANY 'gifts' that I have.
I choose to thank God.
Friday, September 14, 2012
more of the journey...
Prayer continues to be a puzzle to me....
It would seem as though prayer has always been a part of life. I remember the list of names my Dad prayed for each morning, the Bauchs, Fawleys, Malsburys, Carlsons, Friesens all faceless names in unknown countries as far as I was concerned. That was followed by all of us as a family reciting the "Lord's Prayer" together. Then there were my own petitions as I knelt beside my bed in that icy upstairs bedroom. Mostly I remember trying to recall all the bad things I needed to confess. I had no concept of God's total forgiveness of sin because of Jesus' death.
In the last few years I recall a friend asking if there was power in prayer. "Of course," I thought, that is what I had heard all my life. "No," replied Murray. "The God we pray to has power but our words don't have power." That set me back to thinking!
I have been told there are certain words I should not use when I pray, that I should pray a 'certain' way. I have been left feeling fearful and guilty about prayer more than once by people who have formulas and patterns that 'work'. These 'formulas' are encouraged to bring great miracles for all to see. Truthfully, some of the greatest 'miracles' that I have seen personally are the ones that have happened inside when I pray "help" or "I can't do this. Please do it through me".
So what do I believe now, today....
I believe I have a lot to learn.
There is much talk these days of 'relationship' with God. It would seem to me that 'relationship' does not follow a 'formula', that each 'relationship' we have with those around us is different. So I learn to talk to God, learn to listen to God in a way that is unique for 'us'. I am not saying we can't learn from each other but I am also different from everyone else so I can not relate to God like everyone else.
I have read in the Bible about having faith like a grain of mustard, about telling mulberry bush to be moved into the sea. I have also been left feeling guilt, not even having faith as tiny as a mustard seed, I mean, come on Karin!!! Recently when I read that I was honest enough to say (quietly :) ), "that is so ridiculous. Why would I tell a tree to be moved into a sea". What I 'heard' in my mind was: "Exactly!" And then a flood of thoughts.... it only takes a tiny bit of faith in a great God to believe in the things that others might think are ridiculous, to act on a belief that I am convinced that God has given me whether others agree or not. (note: I am not saying I should 'do' anything that is illegal or immoral! Those are not the kinds of 'things' I am talking about and those are not the kinds of things God would ask of me).
And so, I continue to learn to believe that God wants me to tell Him what I want, to believe that He knows what is best and good, to trust Him to sort through what I say, to understand my thoughts. I continue to pray, though sometimes it is just a jumble of thoughts. I think that is what a 'relationship' is all about.
I am most happy to be challenged about this, to hear what others have to say. I think we all learn as we talk and respect each others 'learning'.
It would seem as though prayer has always been a part of life. I remember the list of names my Dad prayed for each morning, the Bauchs, Fawleys, Malsburys, Carlsons, Friesens all faceless names in unknown countries as far as I was concerned. That was followed by all of us as a family reciting the "Lord's Prayer" together. Then there were my own petitions as I knelt beside my bed in that icy upstairs bedroom. Mostly I remember trying to recall all the bad things I needed to confess. I had no concept of God's total forgiveness of sin because of Jesus' death.
In the last few years I recall a friend asking if there was power in prayer. "Of course," I thought, that is what I had heard all my life. "No," replied Murray. "The God we pray to has power but our words don't have power." That set me back to thinking!
I have been told there are certain words I should not use when I pray, that I should pray a 'certain' way. I have been left feeling fearful and guilty about prayer more than once by people who have formulas and patterns that 'work'. These 'formulas' are encouraged to bring great miracles for all to see. Truthfully, some of the greatest 'miracles' that I have seen personally are the ones that have happened inside when I pray "help" or "I can't do this. Please do it through me".
So what do I believe now, today....
I believe I have a lot to learn.
There is much talk these days of 'relationship' with God. It would seem to me that 'relationship' does not follow a 'formula', that each 'relationship' we have with those around us is different. So I learn to talk to God, learn to listen to God in a way that is unique for 'us'. I am not saying we can't learn from each other but I am also different from everyone else so I can not relate to God like everyone else.
I have read in the Bible about having faith like a grain of mustard, about telling mulberry bush to be moved into the sea. I have also been left feeling guilt, not even having faith as tiny as a mustard seed, I mean, come on Karin!!! Recently when I read that I was honest enough to say (quietly :) ), "that is so ridiculous. Why would I tell a tree to be moved into a sea". What I 'heard' in my mind was: "Exactly!" And then a flood of thoughts.... it only takes a tiny bit of faith in a great God to believe in the things that others might think are ridiculous, to act on a belief that I am convinced that God has given me whether others agree or not. (note: I am not saying I should 'do' anything that is illegal or immoral! Those are not the kinds of 'things' I am talking about and those are not the kinds of things God would ask of me).
And so, I continue to learn to believe that God wants me to tell Him what I want, to believe that He knows what is best and good, to trust Him to sort through what I say, to understand my thoughts. I continue to pray, though sometimes it is just a jumble of thoughts. I think that is what a 'relationship' is all about.
I am most happy to be challenged about this, to hear what others have to say. I think we all learn as we talk and respect each others 'learning'.
Friday, August 31, 2012
A number of years ago I was encouraged to be Facebook member. Although my 'skills' were (and still are) very limited computer-wise, I was in! For about a month! I did not know what all the terminology meant. I did not know what was 'etiquette'. (is there such?). I started hearing horror stories regarding privacy invasion. So, I just quit!
I resisted the encouragements, the scorn of those well-versed in all the ins and outs of Facebook. I admit to developing a snobbery of my own. "No, I am not on Facebook"probably was said with some satisfaction and weird pride!
Then it dawned on me that I was actually missing out on some local happenings and sometimes events. Good friends recognized my archaic attitudes and would usually phone me but that is hardly fair of me to expect. I 'lurked' on a family members account but that did not keep me in touch with my community. I 'heard' of the great photos posted and sometimes would have them forward by friends.
But a couple of weeks ago I relented and tried to set up an account only to find my 'old' account sitting in 'inactive'. So, there I was, here I am. On FaceBook......
I am still cautious. I don't do much posting. I have become brave enough to add a few comments once in awhile. But I have discovered some amazing photography, learned of new babies, the health problems of a friend. I also discovered that I can waste, yes, waste a whole lot of time! But hopefully I will get a grip, gain some balance, let go of fears and just enjoy the 'good' that is there.
It has taken me goodness knows how many years to become comfortable in the blogging world! I suspect Facebook will be a way off life for me about the time it becomes obsolete!
I resisted the encouragements, the scorn of those well-versed in all the ins and outs of Facebook. I admit to developing a snobbery of my own. "No, I am not on Facebook"probably was said with some satisfaction and weird pride!
Then it dawned on me that I was actually missing out on some local happenings and sometimes events. Good friends recognized my archaic attitudes and would usually phone me but that is hardly fair of me to expect. I 'lurked' on a family members account but that did not keep me in touch with my community. I 'heard' of the great photos posted and sometimes would have them forward by friends.
But a couple of weeks ago I relented and tried to set up an account only to find my 'old' account sitting in 'inactive'. So, there I was, here I am. On FaceBook......
I am still cautious. I don't do much posting. I have become brave enough to add a few comments once in awhile. But I have discovered some amazing photography, learned of new babies, the health problems of a friend. I also discovered that I can waste, yes, waste a whole lot of time! But hopefully I will get a grip, gain some balance, let go of fears and just enjoy the 'good' that is there.
It has taken me goodness knows how many years to become comfortable in the blogging world! I suspect Facebook will be a way off life for me about the time it becomes obsolete!
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