Imagination

I have had the chance to visit all of our children/grandchildren in their homes in the last month. Grandpa was there for visits with two of the three families.   I guess one of the many advantages of being a Grandma is having the time to just observe, I don't have to worry about all the concerns that come with being the parent.  

One thing that brings such enjoyment is the imagination of all the "Seven".  It is such fun!  They all have their own stories, pictures and thoughts.

One to share:  I was holding Jae and Beck, telling them stories about themselves and then about the three little pigs.  Jae hopped off my knee, started into a tale of her own, climbed back up, put her hands together and opened them, palms up with the command "Read it".

My response was for her to read the "story".  She was still insistent that this was up to me so....

I still have some imagination too so  I told her the words were to small.  That seemed to satisfy and off she went to do something else.

"You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you."  Frederick Buechner  "Telling the Truth"

I thought about  trying to say something about this quote and realized how feeble it would sound.

I guess I do want to say it affected my mind, my heart and reminded me once again how relationships are so incredibly important both with family and friends.  

God has given me so many, many amazing relationships and I am humbly thankful........

A sunrise and thoughts

I watched an amazing sunrise the other morning.  I am sure I don't need to mention that the days are certainly getting shorter, the sun rises rather late compared to a couple of months ago!  But that is not the point .....

I watched the clouds, the colors, how they continually changed, moved and were more and more magnificent.  Then this ball of gold started peeking over the horizon.  It was awesome!  My thought was how can I possibly take it all in, how can I enjoy this to the full.  I knew there was no way to really capture the moment.

Now my next thoughts are rather corny I know but I thought, this is how I sometimes feel about my grandkids.  They are changing, they are magnificent, they are moving  and growing.  How can I possibly enjoy them to the fullest extent?  

And sometimes I get so "desperate" about making the most of my time with them that I don't enjoy the moment, don't appreciate the moment.

Seems to me I am continually learning about living in the moment, enjoying the moment.

And so the journey continues.....

Thinking....

Somehow I grew up being suspicious.  Suspicious of other denominations of churches, "other" political parties, other nationalities.  The church we went to was a small, non-denominational mish-mash of believers but..... somehow I "knew" that "we" had the corner on "truth".  As an adult when I voted a protest vote for a party other than the "right" one I remember a sense of guilt as though I had somehow "sinned"!  My parents were immigrants from Denmark so they did not pass on a superiority about nationalities and yet.......

Where this all came from I am not sure.  I don't remember my parents telling me what to believe and telling me who was right or wrong.  I keep mulling all this over in my mind, wondering where this kind of belief system comes from and I wonder if it is from not thinking.

When I don't think for myself, just believe what I hear, what I am told , what the "experts" say then I get swallowed up in all sorts of half truths and untruths.  I do think my parents felt a sense of inferiority because of their lack of education in this country and then relied on the knowledge of the "experts", didn't allow themselves to question. That included all sorts of people: doctors, our school teachers, the "right" preachers who followed the "truth".  But as I look back, my Mom was a bit of a rebel inside.  That side didn't show itself very often but I heard hints of it here and there and an thankful for her understanding as I grew up.

Move ahead to life as a parent.  I read so many books, tried to follow the advice of "experts".  It depressed me!  I couldn't measure up!  One of the last books I read on parenting was something like "A Mother's Heart".  That was when it began to dawn on me that maybe that was the key to parenting, from the life within me.  I asked God one time (never expecting an answer!!) "why did you make me a mother?"  In my mind I did get an answer, one I will never forget..... "that is the only way you will learn to depend on me".  That was probably a baby step in heading towards believing that I actually could depend on God, that I didn't have to just "try harder".

As the parenting progressed and these kids began to ask questions for themselves I think I started to allow myself to think too. (sometimes I wonder if I learned more from my kids than they learned from me!)  But it is probably only in the last ten years or so that I have really allowed myself to question and then live with the possibility of either no answers or answers that don't fit all that I thought I believed.  

I started reading a book a couple of years ago and put it down because it certainly did not fit with the theology I was taught.  Somehow I was afraid to keep reading.  I read it this spring and realized again how narrow I can be.  I also realized that I have limited God in so, so many ways.  Did I really think I would somehow be "damned" for reading a book?  Where is my faith anyway?  In someone's opinion or in God?  Sometimes I get so discouraged with myself and my brain and my faith and my attitudes and........

Maybe I should just go spray some weeds and plant some bulbs.

I remember son #1 saying one time that he was thinking so much and his head hurt, not a head ache but it just hurt.  That hasn't happened to me very often but recently I have been having head hurts and I think I understand.  

Then I wonder why on earth would I put these thoughts out there for other people to read?  I may hit delete and then again I may not!  'Cause what does it matter anyway.....

Conversations

This morning as I was wandering the yard, spraying those pesky weeds, I was thinking about a conversation with someone recently.  She said that people 'visit' about three subjects: people, things and ideas.

Initially my thought had been that I prefer to talk about ideas but the more I mulled this over I realize that is not altogether true.  With friends over supper last night we talked a lot about people.  No, we didn't gossip about lives, we talked about her aging parents, the choices they have to make, about her almost adult children, the adult children, their plans, their careers.  I told her about the wonders of grandchildren, about the events of their lives.

The men also talked about people, the events of the past that have shaped their lives.

We talked about things: gardens, homes, vehicles we have to drive, the men discussed farm machinery.

And in the midst of that we talked about ideas: struggles, joys, ways we learn and grow as people, as parents, as children  of our parents and children of God.

Then I thought of how each of those topics can turn negative and can be harmful to myself and others.  Talk of people can become judgmental and self-righteous.  Talk of things can lead to jealousy, discontent, pride.  Talk about ideas can do the same, make me judgmental, proud, self-righteous, discontent and sometimes angry.  Well, maybe a little anger can be good!  Gets me motivated to action sometimes,

So now that I have made the round with the Round-up and dandelion killer...... I have come to the not-so-profound conclusion that my conversations about anything can be positive or negative.  One level of conversation is not 'better' than another.  But it is so encouraging to participate with someone else when you discover you are 'on the same page'.

Thanks to all those great people with whom I can talk and share ideas about most everything, who will listen to the latest story about the grandkids and will talk about quilting or flowers or cooking or how to avoid cooking........ 

July 7

Yesterday I was wondering, 'how did my Mom feel, what was she thinking 59 years ago'?  Today is my birthday and I cannot get my head around the fact that I am one year away from 60!  Yes, there are times when my body tells me I am definitely not 30 or 40 but 60??? And I look at these adults who are our children, at these 7 young people who call me Grandma.  They certainly are evidence of my age..... but still, how did I get to be this old?

This is certainly a reminder of the fact that life is short, that "stuff" and "things" don't matter very much.

So, what shall I do with the rest of the day?  I told Ron I was going to do "whatever I want!"   And I guess that is what is happening.  One sister brought fresh cinnamon buns for breakfast.  The other sister just called for a long visit.  Three grand daughters and their mother called with birthday wishes.  And so the day has begun very well.....

And since it is almost noon and I am still in my housecoat  I think I better hurry up so that I can "do whatever I want" with the rest of the day.  I may just go shopping...... probably won't buy anything, but I can shop anyway.  Women will understand that concept!

Oh, yes,  a beautiful card greeted me this morning along with a birdbath for the yard.  Bless my dear Ron.....

A movie

I say, "a movie" because the movies I watch are so few and far between.  It is not that I don't enjoy movies but we seldom go to see a movie in a theatre and if we do we usually have to phone one of the kids and ask what to see!  I never get around to checking the TV schedule to find a good movie and when it comes to renting one, well, I rarely bother.

But in my recent trip to visit family our daughter-in-law invited me to watch a movie with her.  The next day I told her I couldn't get it out of my mind, I kept playing it over and over.  So I recommend "After the wedding".  I cannot tell you much about it, actors, producers, etc.  except that it is Danish and maybe that was part of the intrigue for me.  After all my blood is pure Dane.   So there are subtitles which make it a bit harder to follow.  

But the whole story could have turned any which way at any point.  It was totally unpredictable.  It also revealed to me some of my pre-judging of people, my prejudices.  I am thankful for the many methods that reveal more the "me" that needs redemption.

And it gave some good conversation with my 'kids'.